She Remembers
by myownreality
Summary: And once that day comes, she won't have to remember anymore. Pansy reflects on moments throughout her life. DP


Disclaimer: All HP related characters belong to JKR. The words beling to SLR.

She Remembers

**She remembers the first time she ever heard his name. **

She was six. Narcissa Malfoy was hosting a tea at the Malfoy Manor. Her mother was forcing her to attend with her. She had to wear her best dress, the pretty blue one that complimented her raven locks, and have her mother brush her hair until it was a dark sheet of gleaming tresses. Then, her mother sat her down and explained to her that this tea was very important and that much of her future depended on it. She needed to impress Mrs. Malfoy so that Pansy could be friends with her son, Draco. She wanted to laugh at his name. _Draco_. Honestly. But her name was Pansy. Not much better. And in that instant, she liked Draco Malfoy, with his funny name, like hers.

**She remembers the first time she ever saw him.**

It was her second visit to the Malfoy Manor. Her first tea had gone splendidly, and Mrs. Malfoy had invited them over again. They had just arrived and were putting their coats up before being shown into the parlor. She turned to the door as a little boy, she assumed to be Draco, was being led out by a man she assumed to be his father. Draco had white blonde hair, a long pointed face, a nose to match, and cool, gray eyes. The father looked very much like him, except with a longer mane of pale tresses. And as he turned to walk out the door he spotted her. She could tell he was looking her over, as if he was sizing her up. It made her insides squirm. For some odd reason, she wanted this strange, pale boy to approve of her. Their eyes met, and he smiled at her. And in that instant, she knew she and Draco were two of a kind.

**She remembers the first time she ever talked to him.**

It was on her third visit to the Malfoy Manor. Apparently, Mrs. Malfoy had become quite partial to the Parkinsons' visits. They were about to be seated for tea, when a house elf came in and spoke to Mrs. Malfoy. Evidently, young Master Malfoy had specifically requested the company of the young Miss Parkinson. Narcissa smiled at Pansy and her mother, then nodded her approval. She left the room, following the elf. The corridors we large and grand. They were menacing, and she started to become a little frightened. Sure, in her mind, Draco was a very lovely sort of child, one that got along with her immensely. But she'd never actually met the boy. What if he was awful. Once again, her insides squirmed. The elf opened the door to Master Malfoy's quarters and ushered her in. He was sitting by a train station, and he looked up at her and said, "Hi." And in that instant, she knew they were destined to be friends.

**She remembers the first time she ever rode with him to Hogwarts.**

It was September first of 1991. They were headed to Hogwarts for the first time. She had entered Platform 9¾ warily. There were so many people. She couldn't see anyone she knew. But then, she spotted his head of platinum hair, and for the millionth time since she'd known Draco, her insides squirmed. Over the years, they had visited each other dozens of times and had become fast friends. They were nearly inseparable. They said their good-byes and made their way on to the scarlet train, finding a compartment all their own. Until two large, baboon looking boys knocked on their door and asked if they could sit with them. They introduced themselves as Crabbe and Goyle. Draco got that look in his eye, the one that she knew meant he was interested, and nodded his head, allowing them to sit down. He introduced himself, and some variation of comprehension dawned on their faces. She was afraid that these boys, despite their intelligence level, would steal her Draco. Draco paused for a moment, and then introduced her as "his best friend, Pansy" with a wink in her direction. And in that instant, she knew not even Hogwarts could tear them apart.

**She remembers the first time she ever fought with him.**

It was half way through their first year. They had always gotten along exquisitely. Until then. They had been in Herbology when one of Draco's friends, a tall dark skinned boy named Blaise Zambini, had made a joke about her nose. He had said she looked like a pug. And Draco laughed. He knew how self-conscious she was about her nose. And he laughed anyway. She felt like there were daggers tearing through her heart, ripping the poor thing to shreds, reduced to a barely beating lump of brokenness. She felt the stinging in the back of her eyes, but she didn't cry. She wouldn't give him that satisfaction, knowing that he hurt her. So she simply turned up her scorned nose, and didn't speak to any of them for the rest of the class. She was sitting in the Common Room doing her Potions homework when Draco came in through the portrait hole. He spotted her and started her way. Her mind flashed back to the earlier class, and her injured heart gave a pitiful lurch. She tried to ignore him, but he was persistent. He didn't understand why she was so mad. He hadn't meant to upset her, but she had to admit it was a little funny. Besides, he had a reputation to uphold. And in that instant, she knew that they would fight, but they would always be Pansy and Draco.

**She remembers the first time she ever really kissed him.**

It was after the Yule Ball in fourth year. She had been so worried that no one would ask her. Draco was always off with some tart, and who else was there to go with? Well, there was Crabbe and Goyle, but she really didn't want to be escorted to her first ball on the arm of a baboon. _Honestly_. The night after the ball was announced, she was sitting in the Common Room, writing her Potions essay. After all, that was the only homework she ever did anyway. He came through the portrait hole, and started her direction. Her mind flashed back to first year and, for a moment, she saw the little boy that had once been sorry for hurting her feelings. My how things had changed. He was the same little boy, but he was so different. He came and sat down beside her on the acid-green sofa, not saying a word, but looking at her. She tried hard to focus on the essay she was supposed to be writing, but it was impossible with his eyes boring into the side of her head like that. So she closed her reference book, and turned to him expectantly. She asked him if there was something she could do for him, and he raised one pale eyebrow and nodded. He asked her if she would accompany him to the Yule Ball. And for the billionth time, her insides squirmed. She spent hours getting ready for the ball, and was sure all of her efforts had paid off when every eye was on them as they entered the ball. They danced the night away, and, for once, let themselves completely go. After the ball, he walked her back to the Girl's Dormitory steps, and kissed her, before turning and walking to his room. It was a simple kiss, but it was her first real kiss. And in that instant, she knew that Draco would have his girls, and she would have her guys, but together, they had something special.

**She remembers the first time she ever realized she loved him.**

It was sixth year. Draco had been acting extraordinarily odd that year. He was always off doing something, but he never told anyone what he was doing. Not even Pansy. He was skipping meals and growing extremely thin. He was skipping classes, which, had she been a part of it, wouldn't have seemed in the least peculiar. But she was never invited, and they always skived together. He was skipping Quidditch matches, which was unheard of. Especially against Gryffindor. Draco never missed an opportunity to beat Potter at anything. Yet he was. Pansy was confused, and she was hurt. For the ten years they had known each other, Pansy and Draco had been best friends. They had kept no secrets from each other. Until now. And Pansy didn't know what to do. Her best friend was wasting away to nothing, and she didn't know how to help. And then, that fateful night transpired. She was, once again, to be found in the Common Room, doing her Potions, when he entered through the portrait hole. She could tell he was distressed, so, for once, she didn't ignore him. This time, she called out to him. He met her in the middle of the room, and told her he needed to talk to her. He took her hand and led her to an empty classroom, sat her down, and locked the door. And just like that, everything he had been keeping from her for the past year spilled out. He told her about his meeting with the Dark Lord, his Initiation, and his failed attempts to end the life of the Headmaster. Then, he told her the most horrific thing she had ever heard. He said that night, Death Eaters were coming to the school. They would be there in mere minutes. He had to do the deed face to face. And then he had to leave, and he didn't know when, if ever, he would be back. He told her she couldn't come because he wanted her to stay safe. He knew she could handle herself, but if anything happened to her, he'd blame himself. He told her he loved her, kissed her, and then he was gone. And in that instant, she knew she loved him, too.

**She remembers the first time she ever heard of his death.**

She was nineteen. It had been three years since she'd seen Draco, the night he almost killed Dumbledore and left Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry for the last time, three years since the war began, and two years since the war had ended. No, it didn't take Potter long to defeat the Dark Lord. Many lives were lost in the war, and many people seemed to have just disappeared off the face of the earth. She never really fought in the war. She never really chose a side. She didn't join up with Potter out of sheer loyalty to Draco, but she had never really been a true, avid supporter of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. So, when everything was over, she just started her life. Sort of. She had graduated near the top of her class, so she could have had almost any job the wizarding world had to offer. But she wasn't ready to start her life, not really. Not until Draco was by her side, once again, to share it with her. So she was working as a waitress at a pub in Diagon Alley. One night, as she was helping to close down the pub, with the wireless blaring, she heard it. A newsflash. An escaped Death Eater had been found. Normally, she disregarded these flashes. There were so many being captured these days. But just as she went to turn off the radio, she heard his name. It was him they had found. But they only found his body. He was dead. Dead. The word echoed in her head relentlessly. And her heart and soul broke in two. And in that instant, she knew there would never be another for her.

And now she's old. Her once silky, raven locks are peppered and gray. She never took a ring of gold. She swears she never loved a soul. She still thinks of him. The memories are all she has left. She sits all alone in her great mansion, surrounded by her many grand things, things that once meant something to her. But none of those possessions matter anymore. Not after she lost the love of her life, her reason for living. So now she sits and remembers and waits for the day that she will be reunited with her long lost love. And once that day comes, she won't have to remember anymore.

A/N: And my D/P love strikes again. So, number two. Still not sure if it is any good. But i enjoyed writing it. Which is what really matters, right? And it is a new style, for me. Interesting. The line "She never took a ring of gold. She swears she never loved a soul" is from a song by Patty Loveless. Not my genius. Ugh.


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